Cake Calling

Why is it that the very best of intentions just don't work? We went to a party today where there was so much food left over we could take just about anything we wanted including a whole cake. We'll since I'm trying to loose weight, I just cut a rather large piece of chocolate cake for Marcus, knowing that he's eat it later in the night. Well, he didn't eat it and the calling of that cake woke me out of my sleep and I had to eat the WHOLE piece. How does chocolate cake do that?????

Correction!!!!

It's been 2 months - man how time flies!!!!

A Whole Month

A lot has happened in the whole month that has passed since I last blogged. I guess I'm back blogging tonight because I can't sleep. There are so many things running thru my head and I don't know how to stop them. Just where do I start; how do I sort everything out? Let's start with the easiest for me to get off my chest - my weight. I have lost 9lbs since I blogged and been to the gym a minimum of 4 days a week. In that area of my life I am feeling much better; my blood pressure is down, my clothes fit better and I feel I have control of my eating again (with the help of some pills).

My next easiest thing is helping plan a party this weekend for an old coworker, Corey. His wife is trying so hard to make everything perfect and I don't think there will be the turn out she expects but I want it to at least be fun and eventful.

The hardest thing I am having a problem with is my job. I am having such a hard time even walking into the door to the place! I just don't know what to do. It was hard not getting the promotion that a bunch of people told me was coming to me; even harder to have the "friend" who got it be at ends with me. I think the major disappointment is I feel it was politically motivated and the "friend" doesn't see it as that and won't address the issue with me. Tied into not getting the promotion is money problems; I had so looked forward to the raise it involved and maybe seeing the light at the end of my credit card tunnel. I have been an emotional mess for the past 2 weeks and have taken it out on my husband, God love him. I'm very torn between doing my usual work performance and just doing enough to get by. I'm used to giving 110% but finding out that 75% is good enough. I know that if I redid my resume, I could probably find a better paying job with the college degree I have but that would be making a change and we all know how hard that is. For the most part I love my job but this promotion thing has really made me see thinks in a whole different perspective. I just don't know what to do!

Well, maybe I can sleep now. Goodnight.

Decisions

I went to the doctor this past week to have a check up since my blood pressure has been high. It was the first time going back to this office since my doctor quit her practice. I saw the PA, Heather, to the new doctor I am going to and she was wonderful. Very skinny, very young and pretty but she didn't make me feel bad. She offered me many paths to take in my weight loss endeavor. Which by the way after 2 weeks of attempting to diet, I have stayed the same. Anyways, she believes my underlieing problem is depression. I eat when I'm depressed hence the weight gain and the high BP. She offered me Meridian but I declined since I have an appointment with the diet doctor that a friend went to (No, I didn't tell Heather that) so she prescribe an anti-depressant and a diuretic to help lower the BP. She also gave me a referral to see the weight loss surgeon at Sacred Heart. While I'm almost positive I do not want gastric by-pass, I am interested in the new lap band procedure. I have to attend a seminar on the 20th before I can even meet with the doctor. My appointment with the diet doctor is on the 31st so I guess by August I might have a clue as to what I want to do with my health. In the mean time I'll keep trying to make better food choices and watch what I eat and maybe even exercise! (I did swim some today!)

Old Age VS Weight Gain

I think I'm falling apart and I can not decide if it's because I'm getting older or that I've gained so much weight. Last week my blood pressure went dangerously high - high like both numbers were triple digits. I'm pretty sure it's because I've gained weight and my exercise routine is non-exisitent. I've wanted to do yard work but because I'm alergic to almost every grass/weed in our yard (becoming worse as I get older!) and I woke up with a sinus headache I couldn't. My sinus headaches are notoriously known to become so severe that I vomit. So, instead of doing the yard work (which by the way should be Joe's job and since I was mad at him I decided I would do it) I went to the dentist and the allergy doctor to get my shot. While there my injection site swelled more than usual and is now about the size of a baseball (about 4 hours later). Why am I having since reactions - old age or weight gain? Oh and by the way - I still have several yellow fly bites that are visible....hmm, old age?

Not much new

I am back from my very relaxing week spent with Casey and Vickie - I had a great time and enjoyed seeing them both. I'm also back from a camping trip that was pretty good with the exception of about 15 yellow fly bites I got and had an allergic reaction to; they swelled up bigger than half dollars and I had to go get a shot to get them to go down. I've been taking Benedryl up the ying yang and coating myself down with anti-itch stuff. Other than that everything wen't well.

I plan on starting to settle down and get into a weight lose routine. First I need to clear the junk out of the house and start incorporating a little exercise. I am very unhappy with my size and it is starting to effect physical activites for me (like camping, which Marcus really enjoyed) and I thing that my blood pressure is very high. My son also asked me today when I was going to get a little tummy. Well, if that isn't heart wrenching coming from a 4 year old! I guess it's good incentive though!!

Out of Town

I'm at Casey and Vickie's house as I do this blog. It is just as hot here as when I left Pensacola yesterday. Their house is very nice and everthing I epxected it to be from all the pictures I have seen. Today I went to see my aunt and uncle who I haven't seen in a few years. The live about 30 miles away and I drove in the middle of rush hour traffic; it's been a very long time since I've driven in traffic like that!!

Tomorrow we are going to Comerica Park to see the Yankees vs Tigers. It has also been very long since I've been to see the Yankees. I'm very excited and can't wait to go. I'll be like a kid in a candy shop!!

Gone

I'm sure that many of you already know that Kristofer is gone. In a nutshell we could no longer play the games his mother wanted to play so we had her come get him. How are we doing? I think that I'm fine, almost relieved in a sense; Joe - well, who knows how a man feels because they sure don't tell you. And Marcus seems to be doing OK. He's asked about Kris a couple of times but doesn't seem saddened by it. I'm looking forward to getting credit card bills paid up and the air conditioning fixed in my car.

I can't wait to leave on my vacation next week!! Casey and I are going to the Yankees vs Tigers game while I'm there. I haven't seen the Yankees play live in at least 7 years so that's just an added bonus to the time I'm spending with Casey. Vickie is taking Friday off so I'm sure we'll have fun (and some cocktails too!!). I just don't know how I'm going to get thru this weekend!!!

Unsure

Joe and I have decided to send Kris back to his mom's after school is done this week. Barbie got Kris Sunday around 2pm (she was supposed to get him for breakfast with his Nana). When she arrived she sent Kelsey to the door so Joe went out to speak to her. She was very agitated and when Joe told her we need to sit down and talk like adults she said we would at the right time since we've served her papers. Joe told her he had no idea what she was talking about since we can't afford to take her to court. She told Joe that she is trying to do the best she can and that she HAD to get a job since she's not getting Dann'y child support. I'm very proud to say the Joe didn't blow a gasket nor did he tell her, in his smart ass way, that child support is for the CHILD not the lazy ass mother!!!! At 8pm Sunday she called to say that she didn't have enough gas to bring him to the house, that she would bring him to school on her way to work on Monday morning; she had to be to work for 9am. Y'all know before I go any farther that it did not happen. She lied. Kris didn't go to school; Barbie dropped him at out door at 4:15pm without even making sure we were there. She told Kris that he could go with her for the summer and than come back for the school year. Joe and I have decided we are no longer going to play her games and we are returning Kris permanetly.

I feel bad but I'm almost releived. My hard work on Kris will all go to waste and I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up in the foster system after awhile. As for Kris the only reason he could tell us that he didn't want to stay with his mom is because his sister pinches him. I have decided to take him to the counseling session so that maybe talking to the counselor about going back to his mom's will help him. I feel I've done all I can do and (like my Mom and Casey said) I need to work on me and my family. I need to feel better about myself and my marriage. Who knows, maybe with out the stress of Kris, maybe Joe and I will finally have another of our own.

Sleep? What's that?

For some reason I have not slept well in the past couple of days. It's just 0500 (my usual time to get up if I'm working) and I'm already up, showered, dress and on the internet. I'm not sure what's wrong. I think it's money worries but we aren't doing that bad yet. I paid off the homeowners insurance before hurricane season (YEAH!) and we had some bunk beds given to us so now all I have to buy is the mattress. I really only need 1 now. Maybe it's the fact that I have to get new car insurance today. Or that in 2 weeks school's done and Kris's daycare doubles. (Casey, I know what you're saying!!!) I really felt sorry for Kris Saturday. He was somewhat showing out so I told him he needed to call his dad to see if he'd take him for the summer. Well, both of dad's numbers are disconnected. He told me he'd guess he'd call his mom and see if she'd take him for the summer and I had to tell him once he left he wasn't coming back. Well the poor thing looked so rejected and said "But I don't want to stay with my mom". Isn't that the saddest thing you've ever heard from a 7 year old?

1st Party

Tonight is my first pary - the Pampered Chef Party. I don't think that it is going to go over very well. My attendance is poor; hell even the people I work with 4 days a week aren't coming. Thank God for my friends from the previous shift I worked on that ARE coming.

I've been cleaning like a mad woman for the past 3 days to get ready for tonight and in that process, I broke my pinky toe on my right foot. It's purple but doesn't hurt as bad as my heel on my right foot. I have no idea what is wrong with it but it has hurt for about a month. It's probably from being fat. IT'S HELL GETTING OLD!!!!

May Days

Well, it looks like May is going to be a good month for me. I'm trying to think positive in an attempt to change my mind set and get back on the road to healthiness. I have not signed up for WW like I mentioned in my previous blog, but I'm trying to get rid of the junk we've accumulated and replace it with some healthier food and also for the most part just stop eating so much.

This is also my month of "Parties" . I have a Pampered Chef party schedule for this Thursday and than 2 weeks for this Thursday is my month to host Stampin' Up. For the most part I think I really like being a hostess; I like having people around and I think that they have fun also. But this has been a little harder because due to circumstances here (you know - the Kris thing) Joe and I have let the house go. So today and tomorrow are devoted to cleaning and yard work. Joe has been trying to get the pool running; it's a very pretty shade of blue but cloudy. He also tried to clean the back porch and for a man I'm sure it looks good and it will pass for Thursday, but it wasn't really cleaned like I'd like it to be. Today when he comes home we are going to work on the yard.

And last but not least for May, I fly to Detroit on May 30th. I am soooo looking forward to that - It's a chance to get away and to see Casey, whom I miss alot. I just can't wait!!

Misc.

Nothing really to blog about just some misc. things I'd like to get out. I'm finally going to get some paid OT at the SO so that's good. Maybe it can help us get our pool up and running. I'm missing alot of days that I could be lieing around my pool (It's no fun when it's green!) and working on my tan.

Today I take Kris to get an evaluation so that he may begin some counseling. I'm begining to think that I may need some to. I've decided that tomorrow I am going to sign up for Weight Watchers on line again. My good friend, Casey, told me this week I need to put myself first and while I'm not know to do that, I am going to take this step for myself. I am VERY unhappy with my weight and I need to just put it in my head that I need to start somewhere and tomorrow's it. Why tomorrow? you say, well, I have to work tonight and I told Kris I'd take him for a treat so I'm going to spend today getting my last sweet tooth satisfied. It's not that I'll never eat sweets again, it's just not going to be in the quantity that I have been eating them. Wish me luck!!

It's all over

Tax season has come to an end. I am glad it's done but very apprehensive on the impact it will have on us financially. I plan an picking up a few hours here and there during the summer time but they will be sporadic enough that it'll probably be just enough $ to fill my gas tank.

We went to the lawyers on Monday and found out that we do have grounds to take Kris's parents to court. We have to prove abandoment and neglect which shouldn't be too hard but the lawyer thinks we should wait for about another 4 months until we do that. And his fee for doing it? Are you sitting down??? $1850....where are we supposed to get that from? We can't even come up with the money to fix the compressor on my air conditioner in the car; that's $1000. Money depresses me!!

Speaking of depression, I think I've hit an all time low...I've eaten my self into oblivion and hardly have any clothes that fit. I have to work on changing my mind set and going from there. I am giving thought to looking into bariatric surgery if my insurance will cover it. I plan on going to a couple of websites this am to investigate it. I just don't know how it will affect our desire to have another child. Although the magic pills aren't doing very well so maybe it's just not meant to be.

Bad Blogger

I have been a very bad blogger but I think that I have good reason: I'm working 65+ hours a week. This is the last week of tax season and I took the week off from the SO so I would have some down time. My life is getting to be one drama after another and I don't know if I can handle much more.

I have to say that I am an emotional mess and if I wasn't almost 36 years old I'd go running back to my Mommy! My mother-in-law is a psychotic pain in the ass and if she doesn't keep her meddling out of my marriage I think I will explode with all the thoughts I keep to myself. She wanted us to take Kris and now she wants to tell us how to raise him. She should've kept him I guess than, huh? And no, the sorry parents haven't helped a bit! Danny, Kris's Dad, came into town last week, was here from Saturday evening to Tuesday morning and spent all of 30 mins with him. How is a 6 1/2 year old supposed to react to that? We, the lucky care givers, get to feel the back lash which causes even for hatred for Danny and Barbie.

I'm worried about Joe and I'm worried about me. I don't think our mental health can handle much more stress from this situation. Physically we are both also a mess; I'm gaining weight and Joe is losing it. (Why can't that be is reverse? :-) )

I have great hopes that when my second job is done and Kris starts seeing a therapist that maybe things will change some around here. We are also going to speak to a lawyer next week to see if we can get anything court ordered so that we may get the child support or foster care money or something to gives us some relief.

Keep us in your prayers!

3 weeks

That's how long it's been since I blogged. Yet there is nothing real exciting to say. Work is an everyday drama that includes new LT's, new people in charge and other people's kids getting suspended and those people not being able to work. Normally this wouldn't bother me because I am a workaholic of sorts, but since I've been assigned to this new shift I look for any reason not to work. I know that is not good; but I think that if I can hold in there for about 6-7 more months things will get better. I also think that it has a lot to do with working 2 jobs and my home life. I don't feel like rambling about that.

"Magic Pills" from the doctor haven't worked yet.

No dieting to speak of; but I am maintaing instead of gaining!!!

Getting ready to plan my trip to Michigan. (YEAH!!) And it looks like I'll have a decent commission check from JH to fund that trip. (DOUBLE YEAh!!)

Hopefully I'll blog sooner than 3 weeks!!

821

Not much new in my life. An update to my previous blog; we still do not know anything about collecting child support. All we have managed to do was drop off an application and be instructed that someone would call us shortley after reviewing the circumstances. We bought a 1996 Mazda MPV from Rhonda (a coworker at the SO) for $2000 and Joe only has 2 more days of work at PTL.

We were just assigned new numbers at work and my new number is 821. I am very proud of this number because it has been previously been possessed by 2 of my fomer shift mates, Casey and Paul. Incidently they were/are AOIC's just like I am; I think I'm destined for great things!

In less than a week we'll know if the "Magic Pills" worked - keep your fingers crossed!!!!

Will it Work?

I am going to go to the child enforcement office this morning. My brother-in-law supposedly called them (after a lot of harrassment from his mother) to try and stop Kristofer's Mother from collecting the child support (since she no longer has the child and has not even bothered to call him for about a month!) Joe gave me conflicting stories, which I'm sure is due inpart to Danny and Joe being men. Supposedly they told Danny for us to bring the paperwork down and they would change it and Barbie would owe us all the back support, which we will never see. I was told that our notarized papers weren't good enough for the state, by people in general. Danny also told Joe that there was nothing he could do. When I called the child support office, I didn't ask about our paper work, but I did ask about what Danny could do and they told me he could ask for a telephonic re-hearing since he no longer lives in Florida. So as soon as I am done with this, I am going to gather my stuff and go sit with the masses, I'm sure.

On a good note Joe finally got a job with ECUA; he is supposed to start February 6th. I filled out an application out for him to get a $2000 loan for a car/truck which he still hasn't really gone looking for; why hurry, he's got 13 more days!!

Nothing else new; been working about 70 hours a week at the new job. I did start the "magic" pills from the OB/GYN this month, I guess in about 3 weeks, we'll know if they worked!!! :-)

Settling In

I think that my nephew is finally finding his place here. I'm not sure if it is the medicine he is taking or spending the little time he did with his Mom, but he seems to have accepted the change here and the rules of the house. Since he last talked to his Mom (December 27th) he has not asked to call her like he had been nor does he ask about her at all!! He is doing exceptionally well in school; A on his spelling test and in citizenship for the week! He did his weeks worth of homework all in one day while at Kool Zone - without me harping on him!! I am amazed and very pleased with his progress. Meanwhile his Mom is living off the money she promised us but I have agreed to stop harping on Joe about it. So I will sit here and type about how SORRY she is. How can you just give your child away and then live of the $46/week from that child's Daddy. Then again the Daddy isn't any better is he? Left his son here to move to Michigan and is having another child. Can't take care of the two you already got so lets have another and try again? WHATEVER!!!!

Tomorrow I start the new medicine the doctor gave me. It's basically a ferility pill but is supposed to help ovulation. The doctor seems to think that I will be pregnant in a month or 2 but if not I take the pills for 6 months and then go from there. We may have another (our last one!) in time for Christmas! Then we can be sorry and live off the assistance for the government for awhile!!!

Joe is going to get the job at ECUA. He goes Friday for his physical and drug and alcohol test. He has stopped drinking until then so that he may pass the test. From our understanding as long as he passes that, he has the job. Let's keep our fingers crossed!!!!

2006

I think that the reason I haven't blogged is because I haven't a postive thing to say! Nothing has changed for the New Year except that I have gotten an extra part time job to help off set some of the building debt we are experiencing due to Kris's arrival. I really hope that all this "negativism" that has come into my life is really having a positive effect on me in some way. It definitely isn't making my weight go in a negative dirrection!!! ;-)